I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
