even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
