I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
