OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
