one two three fourrrrnication!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
