John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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