Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
babies were throwing up all over the place
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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