She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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