a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
