I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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