Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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