So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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