Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
