elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
