No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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