apparently the secret to your success is patron
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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