Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
