they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
