Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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