One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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