I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
