It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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