Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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