i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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