I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
