drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
