You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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