I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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