margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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