apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
