So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
