I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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