Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
