Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
