remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
