Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
