I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
