Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
