no, he came in my armpit
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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