I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
