Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
