i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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