How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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