a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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