It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
