I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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