so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
