I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
