weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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