Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to be your penis for a week.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
